Sick and Tired

Film Soup

3 min read by Nikita Gross. Published in Essays, Stories.

The brew started forming weeks before any chemicals touched the film.

Amanda, the model, came down with a virus the day of the shoot. I was a new mother, sleep deprived and sincerely delirious. It was right after the election, everything felt fucked up.

We both dreamed of snakes the night before.

I photographed her while she was dizzy and nauseous, right after vomiting. I felt as if I was carrying the weight of the world, needed to purge. She was purging.

The film responded. I soaked my thoroughly expired, cross-processed Fuji Provia in a concoction of random ingredients, no recipe. The chemicals gave way to a bubbling green hue, morphed, distorted, dizzying.